The Hardest Thing - 98 degrees

We both know that I shouldn't be here

This is wrong And baby it's killing me,

it's killing you

Both of us trying to be strong

I've got somewhere else to be

Promises to keep Someone else who loves me

And trusts me fast asleep

I've made up my mind

There is no turning back

She's been good to me

And she deserves better than that

It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do

To look you in the eye And tell you I don't love you

It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to lie To show no emotion when you start to cry

I can't let you see what you mean to me

When my hands are tied and my heart's not free

We're not meant to be It's the hardest thing I'll ever had to do

To turn around and walk away

Pretending I don't love you

I know that we'll meet again

Fate has a place and time So you can get on with your life

I've got to be cruel to be kind Like Dr. Zhivago

All my love

I'll be sending

And you will never know cuz

There can be no happy ending

It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do

To look you in the eye

And tell you I don't love you

It's the hardest thing

I'll ever have to lie

To show no emotion when you start to cry

Maybe another time, another day As much as I want to,

I can't stay (Ooh)

I've made up my mind

There is no turning back

She's been good to me

And she deserves better than that

It's the hardest thing

I'll ever have to do

To look you in the eye

And tell you I don't love you

It's the hardest thing

I'll ever have to lie

To show no emotion when you start to cry

I don't want to live a lie What can I do....

Jam's short story

I am Jam.. I'm not the typical girl you see everyday.. I am not a looker.. I don't wear girly clothes and make sure that may make-up matches my outfit..I can be bitchy..annoying and even wild..I can be naive at times.. even dumb.. I am loud and cranky most of the time.. The bottom line is, I am Jam..I may change at some point.. But I am one of kind..

Ok. Enough of the introduction..Let me tell you my story then..

I became a selfless person over the couple of months.. I was self centered and a brat..but I have to admit it, I enjoyed every minute of it. Well, It feels good to be treated like a princess once in awhile. It's really nice to be pampered and feel like you're the most special girl in the world.. She..yes she.. she gave me everything..It was more than a dream..It was more than a fairytale.. It was magical.. truly magical..

If others can give their love ones the star or the moon.. She was willing to give me the galaxy..She accepted my flaws..She helped me heal my wounded heart.. She accepted me whole-heartedly..She loved me unconditionally..

The love that she is offering me... happiness, security and assurance...the works!It was all wonderful.. she's like a package sent by the angels and only I can open..with all the shinny wrapper and cute little ribbons.. feels like I'm in heaven.. It was too good to be true.. I don't even want to wake up if it was all just a dream..

However, I cannot accept it.. I can't accept any of it..

Why?

I just can't do it.. I just can't.. First, I still love someone else..Second, I believe that I don't deserve someone like her..Third, I the feeling is not mutual..I mean, yeah I have feelings for her, but its not as deep as what she is feeling.. what she's showing.. And I think it's unfair.. Its not right to accept everything knowing that I cant give anything in return..

Now..

I broke her heart.. again...This is not the first time obviously.. I kept repeating the same mistake.. I broke her heart,crushed it into many pieces.. and now, I left her with no band-aids to at least make her feel better..World, please tell me what's wrong with me...

But I am only human.. If people think that i don't care about it.. If people think that I enjoy every part of it.. Hell no! I am not proud of what I've done.. I am not happy because I'm the reason why tears are falling down her cheeks.. It was all my fault and I admit it..

If only I can take the pain away..I would've done it a long time ago.. If only I can give her what she really wanted.. I'd give her more..more that she can imagine.. If only sorry's turn into i love you's.. well, you know whats next..

Though I am thankful that she came into my life..I am grateful I met someone like her.. She made realize a lot of things in life..She made me understand what true love really is..and I thank you for that!

The end.

Sooooo.. That's what happened to me for the past couple of months.. Believe me, its one of the hardest decisions that I had to go through.. But I guess with this experience,I must say...I became a better person.. A better Jam..

P.S Hey,in case you might forget what i told you before.. you are a part of my system..You will always be..