OH MY LOVE!

Why is hard for a person to recover every after break up? To think that the person they loved the most broke their heart and left them alone..

Isn't it funny how love makes the people go wild and crazy.. for instance..Today, you feel like you are the luckiest person in the entire world.. butterflies inside your stomach and you love the tingling sensation.. Then the next thing you know, your friends are carrying you home because you are too drunk to walk...the reason why you gulped numerous amount of alcohol? L-O-V-E..

Love.. A four letter word..simple yet powerful.. over whelming yet painful.. sweet and bitter.. exciting and scary..makes you smile..makes you cry.. makes you wanna live forever.. makes you wanna die because of pain..

People go ga ga just because of love.. I am not being a hypocrite here.. I know what's it like to be in love and yes Ive experienced pain as well.. Ive done the craziest thing.. became a martyr too.. but look at me know.. I am stronger than before.. My wounds healed and I was able to recover..

Going back to the main topic.. Love greatly affects every human being.. Love causes insanity..depression..paranoia..even death..(my..my..love is dangerous to our health..)..yet people still risk to find love...to feel love..to experience love.. I dunno why.. maybe because it feels so damn good to fall in love..

Love is a commitment.. a promise..a bond that is suppose to be unbreakable..Love should never be taken for granted..

Love is the most wonderful feeling a person could ever feel.. but hey..we should always put a mark on our hearts.. remember too much love can kill us..right?

TENTAY'S LOVE STORY (UNCUT)

TENTAY

DAVE

THEY MET ONLINE..

SPARKS ALL OVER THE NET..

THEY FELL INLOVE..

HUGS AND KISSES..

LOVE SO TENDER..

HOPE AND PROMISES..

A LOVE TENTAY THOUGHT WOULD LAST FOREVER..

BUT ONE DAY..

DAVE STARTED TO ACT WEIRD..

TENTAY WAS LOST.. SHE WAS CONFUSED..

SHE WAS TAKEN FOR GRANTED..

HER HEART WAS WOUNDED..

MIXED EMOTIONS..

SHE WANTED TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH DAVE

(did she asked?did she beg? I don't know..)

BUT DAVE DIDN'T CARE.. HE EVEN BROKE UP WITH TENTAY..

HE THREW AWAY THE LOVE THAT WAS ONCE REAL..

TENTAY'S HEART BROKE INTO A GAZILLION OF PIECES..

SHE WAS IN DEEP PAIN..

TENTAY STILL HOPED..

BUT IT CAUSED MORE PAIN..

TENTAY FELT UNWANTED..SHE WAS ALONE..

BUT HER FRIENDS PICKED HER UP AND STOOD BY HER SIDE..

THEY MADE HER FEEL LOVED AND WANTED..

SCREW HIM TENTAY, RIGHT?

IN TIME YOU WILL BE ABLE TO MEND YOUR BROKEN HEART..

AND FALL INLOVE AGAIN..

AND WHEN YOU MEET DAVE AGAIN..

ALL YOU HAVE TO TELL HIM IS..

FUCK OFF.. AM' BETTER WITH YAH!

Happy day!!

I just wanna greet my beloved better half... happy 1 year and 7 months-sary to you..

Love yah much...

This is the way I am..

I dunno the reason why I am so comfortable with my preference.. I would tell everybody that I am a lipstick lesbian.. All of my friends know that I am different..( well because I tell them right away that I am into the girl to girl thing the first time I meet them..).. The people around me knows that I go out with girls.. My landlady.. Si manang sa tindahan.. The tambays.. The chismosas...Everybody knows that I like girls.. Except my Family..


Well.. my mom knows that I am gay.. she accepted me..shes cool.. that's why I love her so much...My sisters.. they're too young to understand what my gender is.. My kinakapatid knows that I am gay because she met my ex couple of years ago.. But the rest.. they don't have the slightest idea..


My titas, titos,lolos and lolas.. I dunno if they're aware that I am a lesbian... I dunno If they have an idea.. But some of them asked me if I have a boyfriend.. If I had a boyfriend.. If someone is courting me.. I would just shyly smile and tell them "wala po".. And they would just casually tell me.. "Ok lang yan bata ka pa naman!".. Go figure!

You maybe wondering why am I not open about my sexuality when it comes to my relatives.. You may be confused because in my previous entries, I clearly stated that I am a lipstick lesbian.. Yes! I am a lipstick lesbian.. and I don't deny it.. Its just hard for me to explain things that is beyond their norms and beliefs.. Its not easy on my part to blurt out "Hey I'm not straight..I hope you understand!


I know they are all open minded and liberated.. But just thinking about they're reactions makes my heart beat like a crazy drummer.. Its not that I am scared to tell them that I am not a straight girl.. I just hate confrontations.. I don't want to see myself at the middle of the circle while everybody is asking me what..why..when..how come...I'm really not in the mood in answering all the mind boggling questions that even I can't answer..and I don't want to disappoint them.. They are experiencing allot problems lately.. I don't wanna cause more pain..


I have a feeling that they know.. they just don't want to open the issue unless they have proofs.. instincts and feelings doesn't make one guilty..Its either they are gathering evidences..or they want me to tell it straight to their faces..or they just don't want to talk about it yet...


Well, some things are better left unsaid.. Maybe in time I will finally have the courage to tell them who I am.. Why am I like this.. but for now.. I would just enjoy my life.. the way i want it to be..

Another very sad love story (lesbian version-RAINY DAYS-)

I saw this too... This is really sad..

Kabisado ko na ang lugar na ito. Well-manicured ang lawn. Man-made ang lagoon. Flowering shrubs. Kahit simple lang ang libingan, halata pa ring puro mayaman ang nakalibing dito. Pero kahit yata nakapikit ako eh makikita ko ang puntod na ‘to na nalililiman ng malalaking puno ng Acacia. Binasa ko ang naka-ukit sa lapida; Jazzmani Hontiveros at Anne Peach Torrs, died on December 16, 1999. Habang tinitingnan ko ang unti-unting pagtunaw ng kandila, hindi ko maiwasang isipin sina Jazz at Peach. At kung bakit nandito sila ngayon.

Team captain ng women’s basketball ng UP si Jazz. Kahit sikat siya sa campus, hindi siya ma-ere. Gayunpaman, sobra naman siyang maloko at alaskador. Hindi yata lilipas ang isang araw nang wala siyang inaasar. And one more thing: she was a lesbian-and proud of it. "Why should i apologize for it?" ‘yon ang standard answer niya everytime my magtatanong sa kanya bout sa sexual reference niya. But I knew her well to know that deep inside, she was hurting.
Galing sa prominente at konserbatibong pamilya sa Cebu si Jazz. Kaya siguro hindi siya matanggap ng pamilya niya. Disgrace daw kasi siya. Isipin mo nga naman, dating governor ang tatay niya at pari pa ang isang uncle niya. Sa pamilyang tulad nila, nakakahiya nga namang magkaroon ng anak na tibo or bading. Kinahihiya pa rin siya ng parents niya. Hindi raw siya magsa-suceed dahil tibo siya. Paparusahan daw siya ng Diyos dahil immoral siya. Kaya nga ganon na lamang ang tuwa niya ng pareho kaming makapasa sa UP Diliman. Sa wakas daw, makakalayo na siya sa pamilya niya. Matatahimik na raw ang buhay niya kahit paano. Alam ko sinasabi niya lang yon pero masakit din sa kanya na hindi siya matanggap ng family niya.

Maliban sa pagiging team captain ng UP Maroons Women Basketball Team, consisitent din siya sa pagiging college scholar. Pero never na nalaman ng pamilya niya ang mga achievements niya. Paano ba naman, simula ng dumating kami dito, pinadadalhan na lang siya ng pera ng parents niya. Ni hindi man lang sumusulat o tumatawag para kamustahin ang anak nila. Si Jazz din, hindi na nag-try na sumulat o tumawag. "Kung noon ngang kasama ko sila sa bahay, hindi na sila interesado sa akin, ngayon pa kaya?" katwiran niya sa akin ng kulitin ko siya na tumawag naman sa bahay nila. Hindi na ko nakipagtalo. Buhat din non, hindi ko na siya kinulit pang sumabay sa pag-uwi ko tuwing sembreak. Mula kasi nang dumating kami sa Manila, ni hindi na umuwi sa kanila si Jazz, kahit Pasko. Tuluyan na siyang naging estranged sa family niya. Tuwing bakasyon busy siya sa paga-assemble ng computer o pagdedesign ng website. Racket niya ‘yon ‘yon din ang naging daan para magkakilala sila ni Peach. Sa isang exclusive school nag-aaral si Peach.

Naghahanap ng web design ang sorority niya para sa web page nila. It turned out that one of our classmates was her sis sa soro. Nirekomenda ng classmate naming si Jazz. Isinama ako ni Jazz nang makipagmeeting siya kay Peach. Peach was a stunner. With her doe eyes, acquiline nose and creamy complexion, madaming nanliligaw sa kanya. Before I knew it, nagko-confide na sa akin si Jazz. She was smitten daw by Peach’s charm. I warned her to take it easy. Peach was so beautiful. Marami siyang karibal. "Well, I’ve been turned down by my own family. One more rejection wouldn’t hurt that bad, right?" She grinned. Natawa nalang ako sa sinabi niya. "Bahala ka nga sa buhay mo," sabi ko.

Ibang klaseng manligaw si Jazz. Simple lang, minsan nga baduy na eh. Instead of flowers and chocolates, ginagawan niyang funny cards si Peach. O kaya naman, dadalhin niya sa Sunken Garden at pakakainin ng fishball at tukneneng, habang kinakantahan niya ng mga mushy songs. Niloko ko nga siyaminsan. Sabi ko, paano siya magugustuhan ni Peach eh ang baduy-baduy niyang manligaw. Katwiran naman ng gaga, hindi naman daw kasi puwedeng lantaran niyang ligawan ni Peach. Una, bawal sa school nila. Madre kasi ang nagpapalakad. Pangalawa, may sorority nga si Peach. Ano na lang ang sasabihin ng mag sisses nito? Although Jazz was such a charmer, nagulat pa din ako nang sagutin siya ni Peach. I remember pa nga that time so well. I was studying for my Math 17 dep exam nang dumiting siya sa apartment. She was wearing this silly grin on her face. "Guess what?! Sinagot na ako ni Peach!" I didn’t know what to say. Part of me was skeptical. Paano kung nagti-trip lang si Peach? Jazz had been through a lot and I didn’t want to see her get hurt again. But the glint of happiness in her eyes somehow reassured me. It convinced me that maybe – just maybe – Peach was the person who would make Jazz happy.
Peach easily fit in Jazz’ life. Kapag pareho ang vacant periods nila, sabay silang kumakain ng lunch. Kung hindi naman, text galore naman sila, reminding each other na wag mag-skip ng lunch, and other mushy things. Kapag gabi na ang uwian ni Peach, susunduin naman siya. Minsan nga nagseselos na ko. I felt na wala ng time si Jazz for me. Pero konsolasyon ko na lang na makitang masaya si Jazz. Nakita ko rin kung paano alagaan ni Peach si Jazz. Binibilhan niya si Jazz ng vitamins, pinapagalitan kung hindi kumakain. Nang magkasakit nga si Jazz, si Peach ang nag-alaga sa kanya for three days. And one thing about them, they pulled each other up. They were each other’s strenght. When the Maroons lost an important game to UST, Jazz was so disappointed. And Peach was there to comfort her. She even cooked chicken adobo, Jazz’ favorite food. Before I knew it, Peach moved in with us. At mas lalo kong nakita kung gaano nila kamahal ang isa’t isa.

Gustong-gusto ng dalawa kapag malakas ang ulan. It was their excuse to just stay in bed, cuddling up, drinking hot cocoa while watching a video. Sometimes, they’d curl up sa sofa reading a book together. There was this time pa nga na naligo sila sa ulan. At ang gagong si Jazz, kumuha pa ng sabon at shampoo! Feel na feel talagang maligo sa ulan ni mokong! Minasan biniro ko si Jazz. Sabi ko kumusta ba ang may active sex life? "Gago!", natatawang sabi ni Jazz. "pero alam mo", seryosong sabi ni Jazz, "Peach and I don’t have sex. We make love." "Fucking and making love?" "What’s the difference?", I asked. "I don’t know. It’s an explicable feeling eh. It’s more than physical pleasure. It’s more of the mind, of the soul." "Corny mo talaga," biro ko kay Jazz. Kahit sobrang in-love sila, they were still extremely cautios na wag malaman ng iba ang relationship nila. Ni hindi nga nagho-holding hands kapag nasa public.

Pero sabi nga, wala namang lihim na naitatago. Eventually, nakaabot sa parents ni Peach ang balita. Dumating ang parents niya sa apartment. Napagkamalan ngang ako si Jazz. Pagbukas na pagbukas ko ng pinto eh tinalakan na ako. "Teka nga," naiirita kong sagot, "eh hindi naman ho ako si Jazz eh". Narinig pala ni Jazz ung pagbubunganga ng mother ni Peach kaya lumabas ito. Kung anu-anong masasakit na salita ang ibinato ng parents ni Peach kay Jazz. Kesyo idinadamay raw nito ang unica hija nila sa pagka-immoral. Na wala naman daw mapapala si Peach sa isang tibo. Iyak ng iyak noon si Peach, begging her parents to understand. Tahimik lang si Jazz, nakikinig. Maya-maya tumayo ito. Umakyat sa kwarto nila. Pagbaba, may dala nang bag, laman ang gamit ni Peach. "What are you doing?", naiiyak nitong tanong kay Jazz. "Sumama ka na sa kanila," "You’re letting me go just like that?! Fight for me naman, Jazz. Please." Nakayakap na si Peach kay Jazz, halos lumuhod na dito. Umiiyak na rin noon si Jazz. "I love you so much Peach. Ayokong danasin mo ‘yung itakwil ka ng mga magulang ." Pilit inialis ni Jazz ang mga kamay ni Peach. Ang tatay naman ni Peach, halos kaladkarin na siya palabas ng apartment. "Jazz please!" pero tumalikod na si Jazz, umakyat sa kwarto nila to shut herself from the world.

Ibang Jazz na ‘yung nakita ko after that. Naging withdrawn, always staring off into space. Inaya ko nga minsang gumimik sa Malate, pero pag nasa bar na, naka-upo lang, nagyoyosi, nagbubutas ng bangko. Nabalitaan na lng naming nag-enroll sa ibang school si Peach. At hindi raw maka-alis ng walang bantay.

Minsan nasa kalagitnaan kami ng klase noon ng may nag-text sa kanya, tapos nagpaalam. Magsi-CR daw siya. Natapos na ‘yung subject hindi parin bumabalik. Tinext ko siya, asking kung nasaan siya. Maya-maya, tumawag, parang masayang-masaya. Huwag daw akong mag-alala dahil she’s fine. Wish her luck daw. Nailing lang ako. "what are you up to nanaman ba?" I asked her. "Basta!" Gabi na akong naka-uwi that day, dahil sa pagod, nakatulog ako agad. Siguro mga ala-una yon, may kumatok. Hindi ko pinansin nung una, akala ko nananaginip lang ako. Eh ang kulit. Bumaba ako at sinilip ko muna kung sino yon. Aba, mahirap na noh. Hindi ko na namalayan ang mga sumunod na pangyayari. I just foung myself in the morgue, staring at Jazz and Peach’s lifeless forms. Sabi nga ng mga pulis, tinawagan daw sila ng mga room boys sa isang motel sa may Harrison. Tapos na daw kasi yung short-time, hindi parin lumalabas sa kwarto ang dalawa. Hindi naman daw sumasagot kahit kinakatok kaya’t puwersahan ng binuksan. At tumambad nga sa kanila sina Jazz at Peach,
MAGKAYAKAP, PATAY. Nag-overdose ang dalawa. May nakitang note ang mga pulis. It read:
"IN ANOTHER LIFETIME, MAYBE WE COULD HAVE THE HAPPINESS WE DESERVE."

Tinawagan agad ng mga pulis ang parents ng dalawa. I was glad I didn’t have to talk to Jazz parents. Baka hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili ko, kung ano pa ang masabi ko. The next morning, nasa funeral home na sila. Unang dumating ang parents ni Jazz. Iyak sila ng iyak. Pero hindi ko magawang maawa sa family ni Jazz. Mahal din pala nila ang anak nila, bakit hindi nila ipinakita noong buhay pa ito? Nang dumating ang parents ng Peach, nag-usap sila. Nag-decide sila na pagsamahin na lang sa isang libingan ang dalawa.

Umuulan noong araw na inilibing sila. Just like what Peach and Jazz would have wanted. Pero this time, they were not curled up in the sofa, drinking cocoa or cuddling. They were not out in the rain playing like kids, oblivious to the stares and smiles of the passerby. They were being lowered to the ground. Naisip ko, siguro mas masaya na ngayon yung dalawa. For all we know, baka they’re cuddling right now.

Before, tinanong ako ni Jazz, "What’s wrong with these people?" May nadaanan kasi kaming simbahan, tapos may streamer sila announcing a healing explosion. Pati daw mga gays will be cured to their homosexuality. Pikang-pika noon si jazz. Pero, ako naman tinatawanan ko lang siya. Hindi ko kasi alam kung anong isasagot ko. Now I know. We’re bunch of hypocrites. All of us are sinners trying to wash off our guilt by putting down other people. And such hypocrisy led to the death of two people who loved each other so much. Their only sin: they r both gurls ..

Its started to rain. At first ambon lang. I watched as the flames tried valiantly to fight the onslaught of raindrops. Then the flames flickered, and with the sudden gush of the wind, were suddenly extinguished. Just like Jazz and Peach succumbing to pressures, I thought.

A very sad love story..

I just saw this when i was surfing in the net.. This so tragic..so sad..

Si Irene ang nagkukuwento nito. Nakipaghiwalay siya sa kanyang boyfriend two years ago na mahal na mahal niya. Sa di inaasahang pagkakataon, nagkita sila ulit ng ex-boyfriend niya pero kasama nito and babaeng pakakasalan niya.

“My knees were shaking as I glanced at him, my ex-boyfriend, he was with someone, malamang girlfriend niya. I pretended na di ko siya nakita, but he grabbed my shoulder bag at napalingon ako…alam ko siya ang humila ng bag ko.

“Irene”, (usual na tawag niya sa akin), at parang wala lang, I said “hi.” Kanina pa raw niya ako nakita hindi lang daw ako namamansin. Sabi ko na lang pasensiya na, I was busy fixing my things, sabay smile.

He asked me if I received the invitation to his wedding…saka ko lang naalala na ikakasal na nga pala siya, kelan? Three days from now…date pa ‘yon ng anniversary namin…The man I loved before is announcing the date of his wedding with this curly haired lady in front of me…the man who was deeply in love with me before *sigh*.

Its been two years since we last talked, siguro masasabi kong I missed him so much. Hindi lang talaga maganda ang naging paghihiwalay namin, may mga bagay na talaga na dapat ayusin, may mga bagay na nasira sa mga hindi inaasahang pangyayari. Pero akala ko lang na magiging maayos ang lahat.

As I opened the invitation, napansin ko agad ang date, anniversary nga namin dati. Una kong naisip inaasar niya ako, tamang ganti lang sa mga ginawa ko noon. Pero hindi ako nagpaasar. Eto nga at nakikipagchikahan pa ako sa harap ng kanyang fiance. Bakit? Dahil ba wala lang sakin? Ayos lang na makipagbolahan ako dito sa kanilang dalawa? Ang hirap kaya ng ginagawa ko gayon, trying to be nice to them.

Naah!! Nagsisi na ako noon, ayoko nang magsisi ulit ngayon. Gusto kong ipakita sa kanya na masaya ako para sa kanilang dalawa. Oo, dapat may ayusin pa akong mga bagay-bagay, pero naisip ko para saan pa?

Wala naman na akong babalikan, wala naman na akong pagbabawian sa kasalanang nagawa ko. Pero kung alam nya lang sobrang nagsisi ako sa mga nangyari. Kung alam lang niya kung anong mga gusto kong sabihin ngayon. Hindi ko siya iniwan, nawala lang ako saglit para ihulma ang sarili ko sa kung aino mang gusto niyang maging ako. Pero siyempre hindi niya ako naintindihan. Pero umaasa ako na kahit papaano sana, alam niya yon.

“We have to go Irene,” nasabi ng kanyan fiance,”aasahan ka namin sa kasal.” “Sh.. uhm yeah.. p-pupunta ako.” Napangiti lang sakin si John. Heto na wedding day na. Exactly 2 p.m. kami dumating sa church. Kasama ko bestfriend kong si Marianne. Chinika na agad niya ako, ano daw ba nararamdaman ko na hindi ako ang bride ni John, sagot ko “wala lang.” She just smiled at me, thinking that “wala lang” nga talaga. Pero kung alam nya lang, I wanted to shout in front of everybody. Gusto kong ipaalam na ako ang dapat na inaabangan ng lahat ngayon.

Pero di pa ako baliw para gawin ang mga bagay na yon dahil lang sa lalaking mahal ko pa rin “yata”? After 15 minutes, the ceremony started. I noticed the motif, it was pink my favorite color. I asked the girl beside me kung sinong nag-asikaso ng lahat ng ito. She said si John daw. Tango lang ang naisagot ko pabalik. As I quietly watched the ceremonies, there was a girl beside them who motioned forward to pick her microphone. Sabi ko medyo malilibang na ako, gusto ko kasing nakakapanood ng mga kumakanta.

Maya-maya lang, she started to sing. Teka, familiar ‘yong song ah. I know the song…I almost cried when I heard that. That’s our theme song. How dare he play that song haband nandito ako! Hindi ko ma-gets kung anuman ang gusto niyang palabasin, kung nananadya ba siya o talagang inaasar nya lang ako.

“You may now kiss your bride,” sabi ng pari. Di kona napansing natapos ang kanta dahil sa mga sunud-sunod na pumasok sa isip ko. He looked at me first before he kissed his wife. Gusto ko siyang batuhin ng sapatos ko sa mga ginagawa nya. Kelangan kong makahanap ng tiyempo para maconfront siya, para maintindihan ko ang mga nangyayari. Pinagkakaisahan ba nila ako? O feeling ko lang yon?

Tapos na ang kasal, hindi na maganda ang mood ko, bakit pa kasi ako nag-i-stay? Lalo lang akong naiinsulto sa mga nakikita ko sa paligid. Mas maraming bagay lang akong nakikita na nagpapaalala noong kami pa. I really have to go, I have no purpose of being here. Kinakausap ko na ang sarili ko. Walang lingun-lingon akong naglakad papalayo. Kailangan kong makalabas ng simbahan agad. It was two steps away from the opened dor of the church when unexpectedly.

“Where are you going?” I slowly faced him with teary eyes, there was a long awkward pause. “What are you doing?” I looked straight at him..”That was supposed to be.. my question…” His eyes were full of questions. We just stared at each other.
After a few seconds, I sighed more heavily. And then…

How dare you play our song in you wedding ceremony? How dare you pick my favorite color as your motif? How dare you choose our anniversary date as your wedding date?”
My tears falling freely. “How dare you look at me before you kissed your wife?”.

John looked straight at me and after a few second of silence he said, “because that was the last and only way I could imagine you were my wife.”

Said I love you but I lied (The Martyr version)

I dedicate this song to those who are very much in-love with their partner despite the fact that they're partners don't love them anymore.. To those who are to blind and scared to face the truth...This is your song...

You are the candle, love's the flame

A fire that burns through wind and rain

Shine your light on this heart of mine

Till the end of time

You came to me like the dawn through the night

Just shinin' like the sun

Out of my dreams and into my life

You are the one, you are the one

CHORUS:

YOU Said you loved me but you lied'

Cause this is more than love you feel inside

YOU Said you loved me but I was wrong'

Cause love could never ever feel so strong

YOU Said you loved me but you lied'

With all my soul I've tried in vain

How can mere words my heart explain

This taste of heaven so deep so true

I've found in you

So many reasons in so many ways

My life has just begun

Need you forever, I need you to stay

You are the one, you are the one

CHORUS:
YOU Said you loved me but you lied'
Cause this is more than love you feel inside
YOU Said you loved me but I was wrong'
Cause love could never ever feel so strong
YOU Said you loved me but you lied'

You came to me like the dawn through the night
Just shinin' like the sun
Out of my dreams and into my life
You are the one, you are the one

CHORUS:

YOU Said you loved me but you lied'

Cause this is more than love you feel inside

YOU Said you loved me but I was wrong'

Cause love could never ever feel so strong

Said you loved me but you lied'

YOU Said you loved me

but this is more than love you feel inside

YOU Said you loved me....But you lied