I dunno the reason why I am so comfortable with my preference.. I would tell everybody that I am a lipstick lesbian.. All of my friends know that I am different..( well because I tell them right away that I am into the girl to girl thing the first time I meet them..).. The people around me knows that I go out with girls.. My landlady.. Si manang sa tindahan.. The tambays.. The chismosas...Everybody knows that I like girls.. Except my Family..
Well.. my mom knows that I am gay.. she accepted me..shes cool.. that's why I love her so much...My sisters.. they're too young to understand what my gender is.. My kinakapatid knows that I am gay because she met my ex couple of years ago.. But the rest.. they don't have the slightest idea..
My titas, titos,lolos and lolas.. I dunno if they're aware that I am a lesbian... I dunno If they have an idea.. But some of them asked me if I have a boyfriend.. If I had a boyfriend.. If someone is courting me.. I would just shyly smile and tell them "wala po".. And they would just casually tell me.. "Ok lang yan bata ka pa naman!".. Go figure!
You maybe wondering why am I not open about my sexuality when it comes to my relatives.. You may be confused because in my previous entries, I clearly stated that I am a lipstick lesbian.. Yes! I am a lipstick lesbian.. and I don't deny it.. Its just hard for me to explain things that is beyond their norms and beliefs.. Its not easy on my part to blurt out "Hey I'm not straight..I hope you understand!
I know they are all open minded and liberated.. But just thinking about they're reactions makes my heart beat like a crazy drummer.. Its not that I am scared to tell them that I am not a straight girl.. I just hate confrontations.. I don't want to see myself at the middle of the circle while everybody is asking me what..why..when..how come...I'm really not in the mood in answering all the mind boggling questions that even I can't answer..and I don't want to disappoint them.. They are experiencing allot problems lately.. I don't wanna cause more pain..
I have a feeling that they know.. they just don't want to open the issue unless they have proofs.. instincts and feelings doesn't make one guilty..Its either they are gathering evidences..or they want me to tell it straight to their faces..or they just don't want to talk about it yet...
Well, some things are better left unsaid.. Maybe in time I will finally have the courage to tell them who I am.. Why am I like this.. but for now.. I would just enjoy my life.. the way i want it to be..
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