Ang buhay pagibig ni Jamina Lorenza...

When my first lesbian relationship ended.. I felt like dying.. I was 17 that time and she was 24..(ok so matanda cia.. keber!)..she was my first ka-on..first kiss..First holding hands while walking in public...First time maramdaman and salitang "Love"..First time mafeel and pagseselos..

So going back to my First break up...You know what happened to me?..

I cried in the morning..during our lunch period..when our class ended..during our basketball practice..Crayola lang ako ng crayola.. Naiimbyerna na nga mga barkada ko sakin.. favorite hobby ko ba daw ang pagiyak.. Of course I told them na.. it harts yah know.. it harts!! I was so depressed and feeling ko ako na ang pinaka panget na babaita sa mundo.. sheessh!! To make things worse, I found out that my exe and her so called bestfriend (na exe naman ng barkada ko) is officially together na..that made my heart shatter into gazillion of pieces.. It made me soo mad! and that made me realize na I should start moving on with my life.. and ayoko nang magpaka bitter.. nakaramdam na ren ako ng pagod.. na dedehydrate na den ako kakaiyak..

and so....

I started chatting.. (You know MIRC dalnet... There's a room there for butchokoys and baby femmes like me..) ..I met allot of lesbians and femmes there.. I made friends with them.. I hang out with them.. It really helped me forget my hung ups sa aking exe.. and of course.. I had several ka-ons na den.. (malandi den ako noh!)..shempre, I was just a kid that time.. Medyo mapusok!haha...pero naman, it wasn't like I was really into them.. my mga ilan na pinaiyak ako.. may iba namang deadma bear na lang..

But sa 8 years kung pakikipag on sa mga butchikek .. May mga butch den naman talagang sineryoso ko.. As in "A " for effort ang labanan.. You know the feeling that you have given everything that you can give effect.. ganon!!.. oo lang nang oo sa lahat ng gusto nilang mangyare.. Hindi naging kontrabulate sa mga plans nila.. Kahit nasasaktan..gora lang..keme lang..Kahit balde balde iyak ko..wala lang sakin yon..Call me Martyr.. but thats how I am especially when I really love the person..

Of course, as the old saying goes "nothing is permanent in this world".. hay..Ang mga minahal ko.. poof! Goodbye sago ang lahat! kamusta naman.. Shempre.. every break up... I drink, get drunk, cry my heart out, seek the comfort of my friends.. and then recover.. paulit ulit.. minsan naiinis na nga ako kase hindi na ako natuto..stupid lil me! amph!..feeling ko tuloy kung hindi kinakapatid ko si malas, galit sakin si kupido.. o real name ko Karmi (karma).. hahah!! Dati nga.. I imagine all of my exes running away from me.. kase my dala akong sniper.. bwahahaha!! and I would all shout at them.. "Takbo.."..shempre give chance to run pa.. sabay isa isa ko silang aasintahin.. (ang morbid ko.. hindi healthy!)..

Pero sa lahat naman ng sineryoso ko e hindi naman palage problem at paghihinagpis ang naramdaman ko.. I could have killed myself na lang kung ganun lang den no..kalerki yown!! There were nice memories na pwede ko namang balibalikan.. Memories that I can treasure and keep in my heart forever...(eww..so senti ko!) ..

Anyways, I gotta be honest.. I am somehow thankful because naging jowa ko sila... They helped me grow up.. They thought me allot of things.. about life..love..about the different chorvas and chenelins..

Seriously, I became a better person because of them.. I am more matured now when it comes to handling problems and relationships.. Natutunan kung ang hindi pwedeng umiikot lang ang mundo ko sa partner ko.. na dapat equal palage sa lahat ng bagay.. I've realized that you can't get love and trust easily.. you have to prove it.. you have to earn it..

To all the girls I've loved before.. chorva lang.. lets all enjoy life and be gay.. hahahah!!peace out!



ciao!ciao!