The adventure of JAMIWOOPS: January 2010

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Friday, January 22, 2010

Gone..

I think I’ve already lost you

I think you’re already gone

I think I’m finally scared now

You think I’m weak - but I think you’re wrong

I think you’re already leaving

Feels like your hand is on the door

I thought this place was an empire

But now I’m relaxed - I can’t be sure

I think you’re so mean - I think we should try

I think I could need - this in my life

I think I’m just scared - I think too much

I know this is wrong it’s a problem I’m dealing

If you’re gone - maybe it’s time to go home

There’s an awful lot of breathing room

But I can hardly move

If you’re gone - baby you need to come home

Cuz there’s a little bit of something me

In everything in you

I bet you’re hard to get over

I bet the room just won’t shine

I bet my hands I can stay hereI bet you need - more than you mind

I think you’re so mean - I think we should try

I think I could need - this in my life

I think I’m just scared - that I know too much

I can’t relate and that’s a problem I’m feeling

If you’re gone - maybe it’s time to go home

There’s an awful lot of breathing room

But I can hardly move

If you’re gone - baby you need to come home

Cuz there’s a little bit of something me

In everything in you

I think you’re so mean - I think we should try

I think I could need - this in my life

I think I’m just scared - do I talk too much

I know this is wrong it’s a problem

I’m dealingIf you’re gone - maybe it’s time to go home

There’s an awful lot of breathing room

But I can hardly moveIf you’re gone - baby you need to come home

Cuz there’s a little bit of something me

In everything in you

.....

I cannot feel anything. I am numb all over. It's like there's a blockage in my heart that causes my nerves to be paralyze. I cannot feel pain. I cannot express happiness. Nothing at all.

My mind is telling me to let go, to let it be. But my heart is trying to overwrite what has been set. All I am seeing is black and blue and my eyes are all dried up. While everybody is asking, I am pretending that I am perfectly fine. I make them believe that I can handle everything. Can I? Such a hypocrite.

I plaster a smile in face just to let everybody know I am okay. But every time I remember the things that I've done. The heart that I broke. The trembling voice and tears in her eyes. It makes me wanna die. Too much pain.

My body is starting to numb now. Breath. Breath. I cannot feel anything again. I want this to stop. But how? I cant figure out a solution.

This is all my fault. I deserve it.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

AKO..

Ako..

Hindi ko maintindihan ang sarili ko..

Ako..

Hindi ko alam kung baket ako ganito..

Ako..

Hindi ko sinasadyang makasaket nang tao..

Ako..

Kala nila matapang ako, pero ang totoo duwag ako..

Ako..

Hindi makuntento...

Ako..

Magulo akong magisip, kasing gulo nang buhok ko pag bagong gising..

Ako..

Masungit ako.. pero pusong mamon..

Ako..

Liberal na tao.. pero may hiya ren naman..

Ako..Ako...Ako..

Kelan ba ang matuto???

Kelan ko kaya maiintindihan kung ano ba talaga ang ibig sabihin nang buhay? nang pag-ibig?

Kelan ko kaya mahahanap ang tamang daan?

Kelan papasok sa kokote ko na hindi na ako bata, na kelangan ko nang tumino?

Sana lahat nang bagay simple na lang..

Sana madaling i-explika lahat nang bagay..

Sana lagi na lang masaya..

Ako kase e..

Pinapakumplika ko ang buhay ko..

Ako..

Ako ang may kasalanan nang lahat nang ito..

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

An open letter

Dear YOU,

We've been special friends for sometime now. We've shared alot of moments together and I have to admit, I was happy.I had fun. But the endless battle in my head made me decide to choose her over you. Not because we've been together for a very long time and that we share more moments together. I dunno, I guess I just love her thats why. Not that I am saying that I did not love you, I did. I loved you. But I love her more.

I did give you a chance. The chance that you asked from me before. If you think I dont see or feel the effort that you gave me. You are wrong, I felt it. I appriciate it. I am thankful for it. I am greatful that God gave me someone like you. You've been so patient with me. You understood my mood swings. You made me laugh. You cared for me.You protected me.You loved me unconditionally. And for that, Thank you.

It was never my intention to hurt you. It never occured to me that the thing that we did, our set up would cause you so much pain. We've talked about it a couple of times before we even decided to start the whole thing, right? All along I thought you understood everything.

I believe I did my part as well. Where you able to feel it? If not, I am sorry. I did my best to make the "thing' that we have work. The only problem is, you took the risk. I did not. You loved me too much. I only gave you a part of my heart. You gave the world to me and promised to love me forever. That's when I stopped and realize that the feeling can never be mutual because someone already rocked my world. And it was not you.

I am also in pain right now.Believe it or not, It was never easy for me to do this. But I have too. I dont wanna be selfish anymore. I dont wanna be unfair.I dont deserve someone like you.

By the way, I heard you starting to come out from your shell. At first, I was a bit jealous because I was the apple of your eye, but now you have a new darling. I told myself, I no longer own you and you deserve to be happy. I am happy for you though, honest. And I wish you luck.

I know I asked for forgiveness a couple of times, but I will never stop saying I am sorry until that wound of yours heal. For the nth time, I AM SORRY.

This will not be goodbye.. only see you soon. I hope someday when we meet again, you'll be able to give me the same smile. That shy smile you gave me when I first met you. Thank you for coming into my life. You are such a wonderful person. Always remember, I will always be your friend. I will always be around if you need me.

XOXO,

P.S You will always be my sweetest mistake.

(Sorry for the typo and wrong grammar...)

Friday, January 15, 2010

GOOGLE YOUR NAME...

1) Type in "[your name] needs" in Google search: Jam needs you!! -- nobody nobody but you! ^_^

2) Type in "[your name] looks like" in Google search:Jam looks like a great beginning -- new life.. good life.. ^_^

3) Type in "[your name] likes" in Google search:Jam likes to play the penny whistle -- what the F*** is a penny whistle?

4) Type in "[your name] says" in Google search:Jam, Says 'There's Definitely Hard Feelings' -- uhh.. i know meron.. sorry naman! aww..

5) Type in "[your name] wants" in Google search:JAM wants neighborhood support for liquor. -- Lassenga???

6) Type in "[your name] does" in Google search:Jam does not share personal information about you with any third party -- i wont tell.. xoxo.. ^_^

7) Type in "[your name] hates" Google search:-Jam, hates going to work -- AMEN!!

8) Type in "[your name] goes" Google search: Jam goes glam -- G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S..^_^

9) Type in "[your name] loves" in Google search:Jam loves melon -- uh..not really... i like manggoes more..

10) Type in"[your name] is" in Google search:jam is soft, spreadable and delicious. -- iba naiisip ko dito.. no comment! hahahahaha!!