Inner thoughts of a lipstick lesbian..

Its been almost eight years since I entered the world of lesbians and homos.. 8 years of adventures and misadventures... From being a straight girl.. I became bi-curious, and then bisexual..then I was fully converted and became a lipstick lesbian..

But there are allot of questions that kept bugging my mind since I heard the painful stories of my partner and my lesbian friends (mostly butch) about their previous relationships.. how they fought hard to keep the relationship..how they provide all the needs of their partner..materially, emotionally and sexually.. the foundation that they built for years and years.. the love that they shared..the time.. the trust..suddenly faded when they found out that their partner (the femme) is pregnant.. (mostly their partners are 25 years old and above)..

Now that made me ask these questions:

1. Why the sudden change of heart?

2. Is it a woman's instinct that after they reached the age of 25 they start thinking of having their own child?

3. Is life being a lesbian tragic?

I also noticed that most of the girls who ends up marrying a guy despite the fact that they are into a lesbian relationship are bisexuals.. (I am just basing my conclusion with what my friends experienced).. That also made me come up with this kind of equation:

straight girl + straight boy = Straight rel

straight girl + lesbian = homo relationship/ bisexual girl

bisexual girl - lesbian + straight boy = preggy girl..bye bye butch!

I am not saying that bisexuals are heart breakers, it just so happen that all of my friend's partners who became pregnant are bisexuals.. They were straight girls who decided to try the girl to girl thing.. but in the long run, they choose to go back to their old world.. The so called "straight world".. As what I always say "Once straight, always straight"... or it can also be the other way around too..

I always tell my lesbian friends that if they get into a relationship, they have to make sure that the girl is a lipstick lesbian or the girl is not interested with men..Why? because it is an assurance on their end that they will not be waking up one day crying because the person they love called it quits because she got pregnant and decided to get married..

I know, in the beginning of this entry I told you all that I used to be a straight girl.. But.. I never had a relationship with a guy.. never in my entire life..and I don't see myself living with a guy, getting pregnant and building my own family.. I already have a family.. My partner, my lesbian friends..my mom and my sisters.. They are enough to keep me alive..

We all know that getting into a relationship (especially lesbian and homo rel. ) means we have decided to commit and promised ourselves that we will love our partner no matter what happens.. I know there is no such thing as a perfect relationship, but we have to stick with our decisions.. In case we change our minds, lets all be honest and tell our partner what we feel.. mas mahirap patayin ang apoy kapag malaki na..

I maybe to young to express my thoughts about getting pregnant and settling with a guy.. After all I am not yet 25..(4 months to go pa!).. Ayoko namang magsalita ng tapos.. and we will never know what my life would give me in the near future.. Let's just see what will happen.. Lets just wait and see..